Conversation Guide: "Let's Talk About Driving"

How to Navigate the Conversation with Your Aging Parent—Respectfully and Clearly

Before the Conversation

Preparation Checklist

This may be one of the most delicate conversations you'll have. Before you begin, take time to:

• Reflect on why you're concerned—specific examples are helpful

• Consider their current driving patterns—what's changing, what's still working

• Learn what local options exist for transportation, so you're bringing solutions

• Choose the right moment—calm, unhurried, not immediately after a crisis or disagreement

• Think of this as an ongoing dialogue, not a one-time event

Mindset Reminders

• This is a conversation, not a confrontation

• You're inviting collaboration—not control

• You're speaking from care, not criticism

• They might be more aware or worried than they've let on

• Stay flexible—this may be the first of several steps

Starting the Conversation

Opening Approaches

Begin with honesty, not alarm. You're not delivering bad news—you're opening a door.

• "Can we talk about something that's been on my mind? It's not urgent, but it's important."

• "I wanted to check in with you about driving. I know it's a sensitive topic, and I want to handle it with care."

• "I've noticed a few things while we've been in the car together, and I thought we could talk about what driving feels like for you lately."

Conversation Starters

• "Are there times when driving feels more stressful or tiring than it used to?"

• "Have you noticed any changes in how comfortable or confident you feel on the road?"

• "Would you be open to looking at ways we can make driving feel safer and easier—together?"

• "If there were a day when you didn't feel safe driving, what would you want your options to be?"

During the Conversation

Effective Communication Strategies

• Use "I" language: "I've been feeling worried" instead of "You're not driving safely"

• Name shared goals: "We both want you to be safe, independent, and connected"

• Avoid ultimatums unless safety is immediately at risk

• Leave room for emotion—this conversation can bring up fear, grief, even embarrassment

Addressing Common Concerns

If they say...	You might respond...
"I'm not ready to stop driving."	"I hear that. I'm not saying we need to make a decision right now—just that we can talk through some ideas together."
"You're just trying to control me."	"I understand why it might feel that way. My goal is the opposite—I want to make sure we're planning ahead with your input."
"I've never had an accident. I'm a good driver."	"Absolutely. You've been a careful driver for a long time. I'm just thinking about how we prepare if things ever start to feel harder down the road."
"I don't want to be stuck or dependent on others."	"That makes total sense. We can talk about other transportation options that still give you freedom without the pressure of driving."

Moving Forward

Next Steps to Suggest

• "Would you be open to trying a few driving boundaries—like not driving at night or on highways—for now?"

• "Maybe we can try a rideshare together to the grocery store and see how that feels."

• "Could we schedule a driver safety evaluation? That way, we'll have more information to work with."

• "Let's list out the places you go regularly and figure out how to keep that routine going—whether you're driving or not."

Following Up

• Revisit the conversation gently in a few weeks: "How's driving been feeling lately?"

• If they try alternatives: "How did it feel to take the shuttle? Was it easier than you expected?"

• Keep the tone positive and grounded in shared goals—safety, comfort, and connection

Sample Dialogue

Adult Child: "I've been thinking about something that's a little hard to bring up. It's about driving. I know how important your independence is—and I completely respect that. At the same time, I've noticed that traffic has gotten harder to manage, and night driving seems more stressful lately. I'd love to talk about how you're feeling about driving—and if we can work together to come up with a plan that feels safe and supportive."

Parent: "Well, I'm not ready to give up the car."

Adult Child: "I understand—and I'm not asking you to give it up today. I just want us to have a plan in place, so if things change, you're not caught off guard. Maybe we can start by testing out a few new options, just to see how they feel."

Invite Their Voice in the Solution

Ask:

• "What would help you feel comfortable if you needed to drive less?"

• "Are there any trips that feel harder than they used to? Could someone help with those?"

• "Would you like to set your own limits—like no night driving or long trips—for now?"

• "Can we explore a few options together, so you stay in control of the decisions?"